Positive Influence

I Jacob Edmond Kerr was born August 2, 1985 in a small town named Horse Shoe beach in Florida. During birth, my mother was informed that my twin brother was having complications. Turns out he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. Since I had loved to kick the shit out of my brother from the beginning of time, I had kicked him lose, saving the day! By saving my brother’s life I had earned the middle name: Edmond. I was told it means savior. Since my brother was having complications somehow they managed to get him out first making him 6 minutes older than me! I was supposed to be first and still do not understand how they got him out first, but whatever he can have that win. He does not get many!

The Religious Commune

My twin brother Jesse Charles Kerr and I were the youngest out of 9 children. Here are the names of us children, youngest to oldest: Jacob, Jesse, Kayla, Teresa, William, Jemima, Keren, Holy, Ephraim. All of our names come from the Holy Bible. Before and at the beginning of me and Jesse’s time my mother and father were very religious. In fact, my father was a priest for what was and still is a religious commune to this day in Horse Shoe Beach, Florida. My parents sprung up from the good old hippie days. Some of my brothers and sisters were born in TPs in various communes and lived the hippie life for some time; moving from place to place, doing what they can to do their part for the community as a whole. Eventually, it settled in Horse Shoe Beach, Florida.

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Wrote July 12, 2018 in Draper UT prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

Through my journey through the darkness and back to the light I have experienced what was written in 2 Corinthians 4:4 first hand “In their case the God of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the Gospel of the Glory of Christ, who is the image of God”. When experiencing this state of blindness/unawareness it is undeniable. It was also written in Isaiah 6:9 “Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive. Make the heart of his people dull, and their eyes heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed”. For many years I was blind to many things of the heart. Being out of touch with my heart and God led to what was written being played out in my life: “You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

A Restless Wanderer on this Earth

I lost 7 years of my life to Heroin. My experience with Heroin was a heartbreaking experience of loneliness, poverty, desperation, and affliction in just about every form. I had no love for myself, I had no love for others and I was so lost in my own pain and suffering I could not see anything else. In a sense my heart was made dull, I was so lost in myself that I would hear and see people, places and things pleading with me and my ways but I did not understand or perceive. I was a restless wanderer on this earth.

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Wrote in Draper, Utah Prison May 25, 2018 by Jacob Edmond Kerr

“Beware of eradicating evil, for you may become the evil yourself”. I have been thinking about this quote/statement a lot lately and how true it may be. Recently I was complaining about how some people are always complaining. Fortunately, I was conscious/aware enough to notice that I had become the very same thing I was complaining about at that moment. I have known some people in the past that were so anti-sexist that they had become sexist. I have known some that were anti-racist to the extent of being racist. I catch myself judging others frequently for judging others. When contemplating this state of mind in a certain light or perception it seems insane. It seems to me like most of us suffer from this form of insanity. For me and I believe many others this form of insanity comes naturally and it takes constant awareness to stop it in its tracks. To me, so many things seem backward. It seems as though people go from insanity to sanity, not the other way around.

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Wrote July 1, 2018 in Draper, UT Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

“Knowing is not Knowing” – Lao Tzu (Tao De Ching). “Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know” – Apostle Paul 1 Corinthians 8:2. I love how both ancient spiritual text from the Asian region and also text from the new testament in the Holy Bible speak of this. Recently I challenged myself with the thought that everything of the mind is relative and knowing is absolute. I have not been able to come up with anything that is not relative when it comes to things of the mind or knowledge (and many other things such as time). So in conclusion: “Knowing is not Knowing.” Because if you truly knew then you would know that knowing is nothing but an illusion.

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Wrote May 17, 2018 in Druper UT Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

It’s crazy how profound one’s perception is. When I think of how an individual can be in the same exact position as another in almost every way but one can be at peace, content and happy while the other can be angry, discontent and miserable it speaks clearly to me that happiness and peace is a choice. Also, that perception has a direct effect over this. Since I have chosen consciously to focus on positive things, count my blessings and let go of anything that works against my acceptance, peace, faith, and happiness my perception has changed in a positive way. One thing that has helped me with this is my strong focus on “not hard timing” since I have been locked up. By making this one of my primary focuses and goals I have almost consciously and non-consciously stumbled into this change of perception. It has allowed me to be grateful and aware of many of the positive things in my life that I was unaware of or ignorant to in the past. It has also helped me to see the importance of and significance to being aware. Now when I hear or think of “perception determines reality” it holds more weight, means a lot more to me and I now understand it by experience instead of just sought after knowledge.

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Wrote May 21, 2018 in Draper Utah Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

I read a book recently about the subconscious mind. Over the past 6 years, I have read a significant amount of books about eastern mysticism and eastern medicine. From what I have learned about the subconscious mind and the inner self they both seem to be two and the same. When one works on stilling the conscious mind through various forms of meditating they are capable of getting in contact with the inner-self or the subconscious mind.

The Power of the Mind

The mind is more powerful than many people tend to know or understand. Some examples of the power of the mind are: For many years it was believed that the mile could not be ran under a set amount of time. Many tried to beat this time over and over for over a decade. Then one day someone came along and beat the record.

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Wrote May 18, 2018 in Draper, UT Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

Recently I have gained the experience or wisdom to understand the Ego. It’s funny how you can fill yourself with knowledge and not truly know or understand something until you have had the proper or needed experiences. I read a book on the Ego about 4 years ago. This book was filled with plenty of knowledge on the subject, but after reading and studying it at the time I believe I lacked the experience or wisdom needed to understand it. It was not until recently, after I had been in the full grip of the Ego and had admitted defeat that I was able to understand it.

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Wrote May 31, 2018 in Draper UT Prison by Jacob Edmond Kerr

I started to read the Holy Bible again this last week and I believe I have come to a greater understanding about the story of Christ. Recently I read a book about secret societies which had information on symbolism as well as many other things. One of the things this book talked about was what the cross symbolized before Christ. This book stated that the cross symbolized the union of heaven and earth. The number 4 symbolizes matter so the 4 sides or ends of the cross represent things of form or matter. The center of the cross represents things of the spirit or non-form. With this in mind when I think of Christ (the son of God) on the cross it seems to me it may represent man (the son of God) inter-twined with matter and their suffering because of it.

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